By George!

Culture Club star Boy George has been taking a liking to jailmate Jack Tweed. Or the other way round. Sources have said Tweed has walked into the showers and seen Boy George towelling himself down naked THREE times now. Each time he's turned tail and ran. Maybe this White Boy is thinking I'm Afraid Of Me?

You Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' - Again

Michael Jackson has been revising any old footage he can get of his past performances so that he can brush up on his moves in time for his 50 date O2 event. Apparently he's completely focused on making it look amazing. Support acts confirmed are Ne-Yo and Solange Knowles (Beyonce's younger sister), maybe they won't be so Bad.

Gaga Gone

Lady Gaga has now been given a month off by her record label as they fear she's burnt out. Stefani Germanotta, her real name, has been working hard and partying even harder and so maybe the break will do her good before she truly goes gaga.

Becks Beckons

David Beckham was in trouble last night as claims that he chatted up a luscious Mariann Fogarassy were exposed. The FHM star claims there was lots of flirting going on and an invitation back to his. David denies all claims but just goes to show how sometimes looking like a woman rather than a teenage boy can work wonders!

Lily Barren

Pop star Lily Allen has decided to take a vow of celibacy to improve her music. Apparently she's going to test herself by not allowing herself to get involved with men. Or is it just the other way round?

Leonnex Lewis

Leona Lewis has got in a fight. With a horse. Whilst riding the quadriped, it buckled and somehow headbutted her in the face splitting her lip wide open and forcing her to the floor. Apparently it was quite a shock and has delayed the recording of the new album, which might be released around X Factor final / Christmas? Just a guess.

Salad Fingers

For anyone that doesn't know, this is a great mini-series of 6 or 7 short episodes about a very strange green man who lives by himself. This kind of fitted into the whole celeb-stalker obsession thing for me - and it's also bloody freaky!

Give Me Babies One More Time

Britney Spears is preggers again! Inside sources say she is expecting her third child but as of yet, the name of the father remains a mystery.

Amy Lucia-House

Amy Winehouse is apparently commited to stay in St Lucia and now hates it in London. She has made new friends in this tropical paradise and feels it will help her deal with the break-up of her and Blake. Which is the icing on the Blake.


Summer Blue's

Boy band Blue have reunited to play Capital FM's Summertime Ball on June 7th. They feel they're now a bit older and a bit wiser and can take on the world. All rise - indeed.

Big Bother

Big Brother 10 has been hit by the recession and can no longer afford to keep up the 24 hour live feeds. Instead it will run from the surprising times of midnight to 6am, which is usually when they are asleep. This will, it seems, means they can keep costs down even further by employing one or two people to watch them sleep while there is no action. It could also I think, bring the entire show out of context if viewers cannot 'spy' on them all the time. Then it will truly be up to producers what to show and what not to! Agree?

Peaches Impeaching

Peaches Geldof has just started a feud by saying Jordan has no style. After a string of gobby attacks, shouldn't she actually start being in the papers for maybe ... you know ... doing something?

Eurovision

While travelling Europe, the Junior Eurovision contest was on (which is the main focus of a new documentary opening at cinemas soon) and this was a clear winner. It's the most mental song ever and if you haven't heard it, needs to be heard.

Goody Gun Drops

Jade Goody's mum Jackiey sparked an airport terror alert as she joked that she had a gun. After getting strip searched, she had almost missed the flight to Tenerife where she was going to relax with her grief after Jade's death. Just another inappropriate outburst to add to the family name.


Cowell Is Ruthless


Stolen from The Sun because I couldn't think of a better pun than that! Ruth Lorenzo from last year's X Factor has ditched Simon Cowell to sign on with Virgin. Steve Tyler has already show interest in working with her among other artists such as Santana. She might be at the rock's edge!

Tuck Into Bux

Danielle Bux plans to opena line of gastropubs with fiancee Gary Lineker. After appearing on Hell's Kitchen, the buxom beauty would like to continue cooking professionally. "We all stuck together and achieved something, it would be great to do that with Gary." Or she could go off on her own and achieve something?

Britain's Lost Talent

Susan Boyle has now decided that unless Cowell lets her cash into her new found fame right away, she might leave to do her own thing in the States. She's apparently not only on the verge of a breakdown but also on the verge of just going it alone seeing as she won't appear on the show again for 5 weeks. Maybe she should stop moaning and start singing.

Rob The Blob

Robbie Williams has let himself go - again. The star was pictured being a lot larger and smoking a fag while on the arm of Ayda Field, his new lover. At least Barlow can officially now not be called 'the fat one'. Take that!

Nort A Thought

Graham Norton - host of last Sunday's BAFTA's - had an unexpected trip when he fell face first down his stairs when he got home. After being rushed to hospital, he had been told he'd broken two ribs. Ouch.


Faith In Church

Charlotte Church and her husband Gavin Henson are trying their best to recover their relationship. Apparently the two are starting to grate on each other and Gavin's laddish ways are starting to affect their home life. What an opera!

Jennifer Aniston Dating A Butler

300 hardman Gerard Butler is now the new squeeze of actress Jennifer Aniston. They met while filming Bounty Hunter and since Aniston's last split, they have been seeing each other quite often! Or maybe they're just Friends ...

IT's A BAFTA

The series of IT Crowd I worked on has now won an Emmy and a BAFTA thanks to the weekend's awards ceremony. Also for those who didn't know who Matt Berry was (the guy whose gig I invited people to last week), he gets interviewed here along with my old bosses.

By Gordon!

Poor old Gordan Ramsay. Literally. He's been struck off The Times Rich List, had not one restaraunt in the latest poll of best restaraunts in the world, serves ready meals and just when he's about to run the marathon, comes down with a poor old stomach bug he contracted while being in India filming. Instead, he soldiered on to run the entire thing. Maybe he cheated it like he did his wife.

A Step Too Pharr

Pharrell Williams of N.E.R.D fame has felt that those great tattoos he sports and like any gangsta might have, are now uncool. He's now undergoing laser treatment to get them all removed off his arms. Maybe it'll start a trend?

Got Wood?

Ronnie Wood has also announced plans to marry the 20 year old lover Ekaterina Ivanova. He's also trying to hold on to as much of his £60 million fortune from ex-wife Jo as possible. He must be getting a lot of Satisfaction.

Pix In A Fix

Pixie Geldof unfortunately almost got in a fight last night as they were accosted by some drunk and disorderlies who threatened to punch and kick her and her friend Fifi Brown. Huddling in a corner they got away by calling the police as they even started to follow her home. Maybe she knows what it's like to be annoyed by someone eager for fame.

Lust

I found this quite shocking but for those who care, Lost actor Henry Ian Cusack aka Scottish Desmond has been charged with sexual harrassment from an ABC employee. Apparently, while filming the show, he became increasingly forthcoming and ABC did nothing about it! Maybe she should have just told him to get lost.

Any Mead Will Do

Denise Van Outen and Lee Mead got married in the Seychelles as the weekend! Both looking gorgeous they sailed around on a private yacht afterwards, no sign of a multicoloured coat in sight.

Smiffy's Get Married

James Cordon and his co-star Sheridan Smith have announced plans that they are to wed. After their successful run on Gavin & Stacey as brother and sister - the two have decided to spend the rest of their lives together. Maybe he can now start focusing on that then giving us stuff liek Lesbian Vampire Killers.

Li-Lo Gets Her Ron Back On?

Lindsay Lohan has been spotted entering and leaving Samantha Ronson's abode. Apparently they have been spending some time together and could be trying to work things out. Or maybe there has been some booty calling?

Stone's Not A Burke

Alexandra Burke and Joss Stone used to be old buddies, even recording a song together, but apparently as Joss gets more and more unpopular, Burke has tried to get further and further away and now the single that was to be released and be shoved on the scrapheap. I doubt it'll be long till she's there too.

Courtney Love's Lingerie

Rocker Love is set to open a new store speciailising in lingerie on Sunset Boulevard. Even more inetersting, David LaChapelle wants in on the act as well!

Britney Back In Therapy - Flower Therapy

It's true. Britney Spears has undergone a new kind of therapy where gardening is used to "balance physical and emotional disturbances" after apparently trying every self-help guide possible. Maybe just take a time out?

Yoko Chung

Alex Turner of Arctic Monkeys has decided to move to London to stay with his girlfriend Alexa Chung rather than stay in Yorkshire with his bandmates. Apparently, this has led to some major arguments between them all! Is it the end? Finally?

Marco Has Made His Mark

Marco Pierre White has revealed that after this year's edition of Hell's Kitchen he will no longer wish to work in TV. After portraying celebrity chefs in the 'right light' he's now had enough and wishes to leave. Gordon Ramsay might come back but then, with no top restaraunt, who cares?

Mamma Mia!

Jackiey Goody has decided that the story of her daughter's life must be told. In song.

Jade: The Musical is starting to be put together and is planning to be finished in four months, I'd like to hear how many KKK songs they've got lined up for her Celeb Big Brother period.

Sexy Slumdog

It's official. Dev Patel and Freida Pinto are an item! The Slumdog Millionaire's are apparently very much in love and have been snapped canoodling while eating lunch. If it's not real then it's an Oscar-worthy performance - unlike Slumdog Millionaire.

Prince Harry Gets Some Flack

Prince Harry has been rumoured to be getting cosy with TV presenter Caroline Flack. Although Flack might still have feelings for ex-Holloways drummer Dave Danger. At least it's not his middle name or Harry might be in trouble.

Strictly Sharon

Sharon Osbourne has been signed up to the next Strictly Come Dancing team after an unsuccessful attempt to break off from her X Factor fame. Bosses are pleased but I never realised Sharon Osbourne knew anything about dancing, I guess we'll find out.

Lily Goes Silly

Lily Allen has wrecked her hotel room while being drunk after her laste date of her US Tour in Toronto. The singer was shown a $2000 cleaning bill in the morning after flinging ice cream everywhere. It's one way to diet.

Nutt The Rubber Lover

As I was climbing into bed last night in unusual circumstances, Nutt was playing this to serenade me. I love this band anyway and it has Simon Neil from Biffy Clyro in - one of the best bands ever - and so I give you Marmaduke Duke "Rubber Lover". It's also a WICKED video.

Cole Favourite

As in "Poll Favourite" but don't know if that worked. Also any excuse for a Cheryl Cole picture.

Cheryl Cole is FHM's much coveted sexiest woman in the world knocking off last year's (personal favourite) Megan Fox. Ten million votes were cast and it was also the first time Lily Allen was in the list. Each to their own. Also we've got Cheryl Cole's solo project taking off soon with top producers of artists such as Whitney Houston, Pink, Destiny's Child and ... Victoria Beckham.

Low-Han


There's even less of Li-Lo than ever before as poor old Lohan gets thinner and thinner after splitting with Sam Ronson. She is also apparently struggling to find work and has even asked to be in Mel B's burlesque show in Las Vegas. Don't you have to have a figure to do that?

Kate Moss Kills Living Things


Moss has been rumoured to be cheating on Kills guitarist Jamie Hince with Living Things bassist Eve Berlin. Their singer Lillian talks about how he walked in on them both naked and up to trouble. Oooo-er!

Star Trek Wreck

As some of you may or may not know, I am actually a fan of William Shatner's music. So as Star Trek has been released this week, I thought it fitting to show you what your missing... but on a serious note check out his album Has Been with Ben Folds. It actually makes me cry in parts. And in parts of the music too - hey ho!

Jaded & Suicidal

Jade Goody's kid's cancer-stricken Grandad (Jeff's side) was found in a tent having killed himself. A gun and suicide note was left next to the body and was apparently said that the reason was so that none of the family would have to live through the suffering.
So let's get onto some more positive news.....!

What It Boyle's Down To

Susan Boyle, the Youtube sensation from Britain's Got Talent that everyone's suddenly interested in is apparently going to get her story told in a movie - and who is to play her? Angelina Jolie of course!

Is It Posh Tosh?

Victoria Beckham has announced that she will never ... ever ... ever ... sing again. Instead her 'career' will focus on fashion. So instead of being pretty on the eyes and assaulting our ears. She's just going to look pretty.

Lily Allen's Butt End

Lily Allen has decided to quit smoking after suffering another asthma attack. You think one might be enough ...

Blurry Vision Ahead

Blur have announced they do indeed plan to start recording something but due to their tour commitments it might not be for a while! Hopefully before the End of the Century

Wine In Hot Water

Amy Winehouse has been in the papers again recently after being snapped with disgusting marks on her legs. After rumours it was sunburn to cigarette extinguishing, Wino has now said it was boiling hot water spilling on her while cooking pasta. Rock'n'roll.

Geld-Her-Off

Peaches Geldof has stated that she is to revive her music 'career' after forming a new band called Kiss and Makeup with heir of American Apparel Jonny Makeup. Maybe Piss and Wakeup is more like it.

Career Oasis

Brit-poppers Oasis have decided to take a 5 year break once they have completed their stadium tour this summer. Apparently the relationship between the two brothers Liam & Noel are at an all time low and they desperately need the time off. Thank God.

In The Pitts

Brad Pitt has supposedly moved out of his home with Angelina Jolie. Apparently he's utterly 'burnt out' and their relationship is really suffering. It also doesn't help that Brad hates Angelina's brother James Haven and got annoyed when she let him move into their NY apartment. Instead of letting the children see the tension between the two, he has instead moved out. Not so jolly for Jolie.

From Soap to Opera

Katie Price has now decided that she wants to enter the world of Opera singing and plans to record her own version of Nessun Dorma. Hoping to give proceeds to Children in Need, it's doubtful they will really need it more than her.

Rumble In The Jungle Book

A video of Disney film sequences that are exactly the same has been released worldwide. I was telling people about this a while ago but they didn't believe me so why don't you have a look. It's quite incredible but saved Disney a fair bob!

http://www.worch.com/2009/04/18/disney-resemblances/

E-minem

Eminem has come clean about his dirty past in a drug hell that almost ruined his career. The Oscar winner tells of how the death of a close friend just fuelled his addicition. Not Jade Goody I take it.

Jack Attack

Jack Tweed has been put under a supervised part of prison away from other inmates because they fear for his safety. He will instead be spending time with paedophiles and others that may come under harm while spending his time in Chelmsford prison, Essex. Apparently he was quite cocky last time inside talking about his lavish lifestyle and a lot of people can't wait to 'bash' him.

You either get busy livin', or get busy dyin'. Or get busy being beaten up.

Jolly Jolie

Angelina Jolie has rumoured to be pregnant again!! Not only is having 6 kids enough, but the timing couldn't be worse while the world and his wife know that her and Brad Pitt are having problems at the moment. Womb Raider indeed.

Jacko Sacko

Michael Jackson's sale of his items is now off. Apparently he had a last minute change of heart! I wonder why ...

As a result, and the fact certain people have NEVER seen Moonwalker (you know who you are). Here's the trailer - don't you just want more?

Look out for a little Lennon....

Prison Uniform in Tweed


In case you didn't already know, Jack Tweed has been put away for 12 weeks of what should have been an 18 week sentence after assaulting a cabbie. Of course, his 'delicate' position meant that it would be too tough for him. Now watch this drive ...


Moore Talent


Britain's Got Talent star Susan Boyle (the inbred man creature that could sing) has got Demi Moore's attention and apparently brought her close to tears! Boyle got attention after wowing the audience in last week's show but has now foud international accolade after Demi Moore posted it on her heavily subscribed blog. Now after posting this I'm sure she will get to even further heights! Right...?

Too Foxxy

Rapper/actor/whatever Jamie Foxx has stunned American audiences by telling Miley Cyrus to 'make a sex tape and grow up'. The star reacted because of Cyrus' wish to 'ruin' Radiohead after they snubbed her at the Emmy's. I'm guessing she mistook them for Coldplay.

Kooky Katy

Kooks frontman Luke Pritchard has been rumoured to be getting with Kate Perry! The 'rocker' was once linked to Mischa Barton so there must be something to him! Ooh La indeed!

Katie's Price For Running The Marathon

Jordan aka Katie Price. Oh sorry. Katie Price aka Jordan has said that training for the marathon has saved her marriage to Peter Andre after feeling it has brought them together emotionally, and physically. "When we were really stuggling, the run would keep us together." Oh dear.

Heather & The Rumour Mills

Heather Mills has said she is going to go through the internet, find blogs that have dirtied her name and get all damaging stories about her taken out of the web. Surely she's making more work for herself then! Brain's clearly didn't go to her during the divorce settlement.


I issue an apology right now.


Wacko Jacko Strikes Again

Michael Jackson's obsession with children came out today as most of his valuables from Neverland Ranch were on sale today including a huge amount of artwork featuring children, some even naked. And he was found innocent.

Devo Will Watch You Work It


Devo's new track has been in my head as of recent and will be used in the new Dell commercial and therefore probably spur a resurgence in their music again. You heard it here first, and if you want to hear more of their stuff - tap me on the shoulder.


This stuff ain't bad for a bunch of guys pushing 60 and over.

Pete's Armless

Pete Doherty has been a bit down after hearing that his album isn't selling too well. Not only this, but he's admitted that his arm got infected recently and almost had to get amputated. What's the arm in that?

School's A Cruise

Suri Cruise will this week be enrolled at the Scientology School - founded by Will Smith. Can't wait to hear how she does at Religious Education ...

Leona Lewis's Family Leaves People Bleeding Love ... or just bleeding.

Two cousins of 'close' Lewis family have been caught after storming a drug den, beating up three dealers and brutally robbing them. Simon Cowell probably won't be judging them.

Britt's Spliffs

Britney Spears refused to play a gig last week after she could smell the faint whiff of drugs being smoked near the stage. After making the audience wait and making an announcement, she came back on. Maybe she just fancied one ...

Rihanna's Brand Move

Russell Brand must be thinking his luck is in after finding out his new neighbour will soon be the gorgeous young Rihanna. After splitting from Chris Brown, she has decided to get a place in the UK. Has anyone warned her?

Jack's Crack

Jack Tweed is apparently close to cracking up after the death of Jade and the fact that he's now facing jail after assaulting a cabbie. He has told the kids that he will be going to the jungle and not to jail. But where-ever he goes I'm sure he'll be shouting 'I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out Of Here!' Ho ho ho.

Phil Feels Guilty

Phil Spector has been found guilty for killing a 40 year old model & bar hostess in his home. The 'Wall of Sound' pioneer is now facing jail for 15 years. Maybe try four walls with no sound.

Diaz in Glasto Daze

Watch out Glastonbury, Cameron Diaz and Essex-born boyfriend Paul Sculfur are planning to descend on the music festival this summer. According to sources "she's been to Somerset before for a romantic getaway and really enjoyed it." The recession hurts us all.

Mad Max Mel Gives No Jib

Mel Gibson is set to divorce his wife of 28 years after being caught cheating. It means his wife could stand to get an enormous payout of £320 million. Maybe this Patriot should know What Women Want and not do a Chicken Run.

Lighthouse Family - But No Children Please

40 year old Paul Tucker has had his home raided after suspicion of possessing child pornography. The musician half of the Nineties duo has insisted it's a mistake.

Research maybe?

In case you forgot here's their classic 'Lifted'

Roo IS The Daddy

Okay, so I made this pun last week, but it has now been confirmed that Coleen is pregnant with Wayne Rooney's baby. She also revelaed they might adopt a child as well. Which I find slightly odd?! But then her sister was adopted I guess. Baby's due in October, let's hope it's not toooooo much like Wayne.


Lying Low for Lilo


Lindsay Lohan has been hit with a restraining order by Sam Ronson's family after violent rows. Lohan has already accused Ronson of cheating and drug abuse, maybe she just needs to get out more, see more people and take something to calm down.


More Pot For Potter


I found this hilarious. The bully from the Harry Potter films has been caught with £2k of cannabis in his bedroom! He could face a five year stretch or at worst, 14 years in prison!


Tip For Tap


If anyone has any sign of a sense of humour then they will be excited at the news that Spinal Tap or going to do a "One Night Only World Tour" at Wembley on June 30th. If anyone wishes to take me along, I'd be more than happy!


For Safety's Sake

Because I cannot get this song out of my head after last night. Here's a little catchy riff:

And this isn't the Safety Dance:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/apr/07/video-g20-police-assault